Sorry I’m Not Perfect Anymore

I wouldn't say I was ever perfect, but I was an obedient child who would try her best to stay out of any trouble. Growing up I was always stuck in the middle between my parents' conflicts. It was as if I was their punching bag and they would take all their anger out on me. Especially my mother. So cravingly wanting her love and embrace, I would do everything and anything to make her pay attention to me. However, it still seemed as If I was never enough. Though they neglected me, they still had extremely strict religious expectations. Wanting to be praised, I did whatever they wanted me to. Of course, it was never enough.

As I grew up, I tried my best to stay in the corners and shadows so I wouldn't attract any attention from anyone. Although before the age of twelve I seriously loved getting attention from my peers. But as I got into middle school, I deemed it best I stay out of everyone's way.

I wore what they wanted me to, ate what they wanted me to, said what they wanted me to, and did what they wanted me to do. I wanted to be at peace, but mostly I knew the consequences waiting for me if I broke their rules. it wasn't just about wanting their attention that I stayed obedient. more like I was pit scared. Just like that, I lived in the shadows.

I never thought about disobeying or rebelling against them, mostly because I couldn't. But I could have…because nothing is impossible right? Either way, whatever I did they still hated me. It was me, always my problem. Everything was my problem. I was at fault. Nothing made them happy, in the end, I was just a burden. A girl born into a family whose parents only wanted sons. Never a good ending.

Therefore I'm just sorry I was never perfect in the first place.